Common Water
I remember standing in the water of Hyde Beach in San Francisco, knowing that the next day I would also be standing in water. I wondered how much of that water was the same, or different, as the one I was currently standing in. Water. It was the only thing keeping me sane. Knowing that the water here and on the other side of the world is connected. I like to think that the water I touch in the ocean in San Francisco could have one day been in Hawai’i or Mexico. This was a comforting thought.
Homesickness was the last of my worries. I mean, I would’ve anticipated a zombie attack and worried about that. I had relied on the thought that I would constantly be booked with activities and school work. I know… (#firsttimeabroad) But soon, between jet-lag and a free day, suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to be enveloped by the SF fog I was so accustomed to. So, what did I do? I panicked. I thought it was the end of the world, and that I had made a huge mistake. I should’ve stayed home. I should’ve taken a summer studio. I mean, could’ve done that. I could’ve stayed to see the familiar faces of friends, only to listen to their stories of their college experiences on the other side of the state, country, or world. I could’ve stayed within the safe confines of the only place I had ever known. And I could’ve stayed and denied my desire to expand my knowledge and understanding of the world.
Letting myself hang upside-down on the hostel bed, I was forced to realize that the feeling I had encountered was fear- a certain fear of being alone and the uncertainties that come along with that. I, a girl who had always prided herself in feeling full without needing the materialistic or distractions for happiness, was face-to-face with the thing many are scared to admit- I was lonely and I was scared. I wanted to ignore that, but if I had, I wouldn't have enjoyed any of the past weeks. It was a matter of trusting myself and others. My roommates must have thought I was crazy, because I sprung up and agreed to go out with them. After I began to interact with the other students on the trip, along with people of Spain, I felt confident and trusting. While this post seems like it's about trusting others and relying on each other, this first required me to realize that no matter what, I was to be my own accountability and sense of safety. This allowed me to see the beauty of being in another place. I used to say that ‘people are people here and in Spain’ as an expression to highlight a certain common string in human-kind, but, while I have only seen fog here approximately once, people are indeed still people, and like the water I touch can be the same water, it’s comforting to know.
Letting myself hang upside-down on the hostel bed, I was forced to realize that the feeling I had encountered was fear- a certain fear of being alone and the uncertainties that come along with that. I, a girl who had always prided herself in feeling full without needing the materialistic or distractions for happiness, was face-to-face with the thing many are scared to admit- I was lonely and I was scared. I wanted to ignore that, but if I had, I wouldn't have enjoyed any of the past weeks. It was a matter of trusting myself and others. My roommates must have thought I was crazy, because I sprung up and agreed to go out with them. After I began to interact with the other students on the trip, along with people of Spain, I felt confident and trusting. While this post seems like it's about trusting others and relying on each other, this first required me to realize that no matter what, I was to be my own accountability and sense of safety. This allowed me to see the beauty of being in another place. I used to say that ‘people are people here and in Spain’ as an expression to highlight a certain common string in human-kind, but, while I have only seen fog here approximately once, people are indeed still people, and like the water I touch can be the same water, it’s comforting to know.
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