Perdón, estás perdido?

[Excuse me, are you lost?]
A guide for the helpless Asians in Spain

Due to the large population of Asians at Berkeley, I assume this topic will still be of considerable interest and relevancy in the years to come. Not Asian? There is only a one percent chance that you leave this post less informed than you were before.


I guarantee the first word that will be said to you by a local is ‘Nihao’.
What? You’d like to be addressed with anong haseyo or konichiwa? Doesn’t matter. If you’re Asian, you have no choice but to be Chinese. Well, at least at first glance. But it’s too much of a hassle to explain anyway (if you even know enough Spanish to correct them).
If you’re lucky, you’ll be Chinese in the first place. Then you might just find these greetings amusing and it may warm your heart knowing that Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan have been quite successful in disseminating Chinese culture through the peaceful method of kung fu movies.

Now let me ask you this: Have you ever known what it’s felt like to be a movie star? The president of the United States? Kobe?
No? Well you absolutely will not get that treatment here either. People will stare, but it’s more along the lines of you having something stuck between your teeth, trying to rock a reverse mohawk, and holding a three-headed dog-- all at once.  
Nevertheless, I urge you to embrace it. Smile. Flip your hair. Do a backflip. Not like you’ll get this much attention for being an architect, right?

I guess there is a valid reason for this. The only signs of Asian culture here are scattered China Bazars and China ‘International’ Restaurants. The owners are perfectly fluent in Spanish. It’s also their language of choice. So don’t try getting buddy-buddy with them by speaking Chinese. Trust me, I’ve seen people try and the only thing you’ll get out of it is a blank stare. If you want to get into their inner circle, their Triad society, you better know your Spanish. It is the most bizarre thing, but it is nevertheless awesome.

The China Bazar will be your best friend. If you are ever to want a piece of Chinese economics in your life, it is the country’s ability to produce and sell goods at ridiculously low prices. Uh can you say Walmart? (I’m just kidding, that totally goes against our righteous American values). Anyway, they have rulers, scissors, notebooks, pens/pencils/markers, glue, x-actos and everything else that you would ever need. So don’t stress if you forget any generic studio supplies at home.

The most important thing, however, is that they are open during siesta as well as on Sundays, when the rest of Spain is being normal and enjoying siesta (Things don’t change, do they? Rhetorical question).

On a side note, Vicente has sworn that the best Chinese restaurants are in Torrevieja.

Spanish culture may seem completely different from that of Asians, but hey, didn’t your elementary school teacher tell you not to judge a book by its cover? When you take the time to look past the surface (and maybe a few more additional layers), our similarities are actually quite uncanny.

Point 1: Come on, our flags are the same color (I am referring to the People’s Republic of China here)-- that must mean something right? Minus the symbolism, our great- ancestors must have seen eye-to-eye when determining the representation of our respective nations.

Point 2: Tell me that paella is not the Spanish form of fried rice, and that empanadas are not just like dumplings.  And aren’t churros the sweet version of Chinese oil sticks? Coincidence? I think not.

Speaking of food, don’t hold back on the Korean barbecue, sashimi, dim sum, pho, pad see ew, sisig, etc. before you get on that flight.  Be very meticulous in planning your last meals.  Oh and please make sure that Mexican food is on that list (I can’t resist it. I’m from LA).
There is a beacon of hope amidst this dismal void, however. I managed to find a boba joint in the heart of Madrid.  I’d recommend that you order two drinks because I chugged my jasmine milk tea within three minutes.  The first will be for you to satisfy your carnal cravings, and the second for you to truly savor.

There is one aspect of Spanish culture that is completely opposite from that of Asians. That is their ability to take a chill pill. If you’re not doing practice problems for those MCATs, LSATs, GMATs and every other ‘AT’ test on the planet past the SAT, it’s fine. Let go. Immerse yourself.

I, personally, love it.

**Disclaimer: This post, by no means, is meant to be racist, derogatory, or offensive. I myself am Chinese on the outside, but I sure do have a hell of a lot of Spanish pride. I took four years of Spanish in high school and loved it (and passed the AP test. BOOM. Shoutout to Sra.Menna and Sra.Donnelly).  And yeah, that’s me out-cheering you at the fútbol games.
Viva España.

P.S. There’s this song called ‘No Hay Dos Sin Tres’. Youtube it. It’s off the hook.

-Jackie Wu